Snow in Virginia by Brian Deering

Ray's son Brian wrote this on Facebook in response to my status that it is snowing in Tehachapi.  Snow protocol in Tehachapi is about the same.  Thanks Brian for giving me something to post on my blog.  It's been a little sparse lately.


Here's snow protocol for Virginia.

Snow in forecast - "We never get snow here." General anxiety, a few people panic, some schools close early, Virginia readies its snow removal vehicle.

Snow starts - "Isn't this beautiful?" schools cancel, drivers become incompetent.

One inch - "it's not me that I'm afraid of. It's the other idiots on the road." Traffic inches (really) along the highway, the VA state pick-up truck with a snow blade is clearing the state's 1800 miles of major arterials, 2800 miles of primary roads, 4600 miles of secondary roads, and 8,900 miles of residential roads.

Two inches - "Will this never stop?" General state of panic, some people appealing to their deity of choice for help.

Three inches - "Holy crap! Will this never end? Good social order deteriorates; families collect at home and heavily arm themselves for what will assuredly be global panic. Home emergency supplies are dwindling.

Four inches - "We're out of cigarettes!" Warring bands of high school honor students reduce entire neighborhoods to rubble in some twisted battle of the brains competition. The VA pickup truck with the snowblade is feared lost in a snow bank.

There is no protocol for more than four inches – “Holy deity of choice, why do you hate us so?”